Aurry

The humans celebrate this new year with such abandon. I walk their streets, hearing the cheers and laughter and there is nothing in me. What does the new year bring but more of the same? Long days alone, more blood on my hands from the war that never ends, and this numbness that won't seem to go away. How can they be so excited when they will at some point wake tomorrow and realize that nothing has changed from this day to the next.

She stands where he left her, watching him until he’s completely out of sight, believing at any moment he will walk back and argue his point some more. She can’t remember a time he has just walked away. It feels like the others, the ones when she knew people were tired of being around her. The ones where she knew they were done trying to be nice to her and had decided they had better things to do with their time.

 It felt over.

Had she managed to run off her one friend? The thought makes her feel hollow. So much so that she can’t even seem to summon up a reason to move. So she simply remains standing there, her mind running over with thoughts and emotions even though none of them touch her face or show in her eyes.

 She leaves her bag of things she quickly packed at the Temple on the chair that became her favorite not long after she became a Nightsabre. Stepping quietly and carefully, she moves to the hearth to tend the fire, making sure the flames are fed. She's been back once or twice to the Hall since she moved to the Temple to take care of the children Mr Vinguld put in her care but had only gone in once to speak with Tamlin. She had avoided everyone else.. everywhere else. But this... this she could not ignore or avoid.

The floor is warm where she settles herself and his fur is warm under her hands. The mask she has learned to wear, to hide her self-doubt, her fear, her loneliness, slips away as she looks down at the old lion.

Is it his memories... or mine? Sometimes it's hard to remember. I try to clear my head, try and focus my thoughts but they all come in a jumbled mess that leaves my head aching. Sleep.. sleep is something to fear because it brings the dreams.. no.. the nightmares.

The images shift and blur together for what seems forever. I catch little moments, little glimpses of dreams inside dreams. Moments of peace and others of loves that will never be. My sleeping mind jumps from image to image as it settles into the deeper stages of sleep.

Routine.

Up at a certain hour, breakfast, training, learning, lunch, playtime, silent time, dinner, baths, bed.

It was something Aurry had learned was essential to help the broken children Mr Vinguld brought to her. It gave them a sense of safety, of normalcy, something their short lives had been desperately in need of. So she gave it to them. Everyday was the same. Everything set in stone, every plan freely shared with the little ones who looked to her with eyes filled with the pain of more years than their bodies had lived.

 She left Mairead's estate in the early afternoon. She wanted to give her friend some privacy.. some time just with her new son before others started to show up to see him. She had intended to head straight to the Temple and back to the responsibilities she herself had chosen. Could she be called the Matron of an orphanage when she was still un-mated? She wasn't sure if the human term worked or not.

Her flight though took a different turn. She wasn't even sure if she had decided to do it or if the red drake she rode and had befriended had decided it for her but she found herself not back in Darnassus but instead in front of a little marker that served as the only reminder to the world that a little girl had lived.

((While I am hoping this will not be a complete goodbye and that I will continue to rp outside the game and to write... I logged on Aurry today and afterwards this is what came to mind.))

The days seem to be stretching together more and more. I told the Warden that I would still be available for her whenever she needs me but to be honest with myself, I think that they don't. She herself has become a Priestess and along side her are other good healers. I know them well, I stood in their ranks for a long time. They will get along fine without me. The talented child Navires named me as is no longer needed.

  Aurry sits quietly at the edge of the Temple, watching the children at their play in the grass below. All of them had adjusted well, though there would likely always be that painful knowledge in their eyes that would set them apart. These where not children that trusted or loved easily anymore. Aurry had managed to gain their trust through hours spent with them all. Even now, in the quiet of mid-afternoon, with everything still and peaceful, the younger ones would glance her way to make sure she was still there, watching over them.

It's been a few weeks since I've talked to or seen Tamlin, longer since I've seen others like the Warden. I miss them. The Temple is quiet during the daylight hours, expect when the orphans can't contain their laughter or energy. I've learned to take them out to the grass at certain points so they tire themselves out some without bothering the other Priestess's too much. It's hard for them sometimes to remember that my people prefer the night. I think that is my fault though. I haven't slept well in a long time, so I kept myself busy with them instead and they've gotten use to it.

I wish I was as free as some of them act at times. Running and screaming with laughter threw the grass near the Temple. I use to feel that way. Everything was an adventure.

 It was like some strange drug that rips open all the layers, making you face every little bit of fear and pain and leaves you on the other side wondering why you had ever worried about little things like telling a person you love them or hiding behind layers of clothes. But it wasn't her pain and fear that she had faced head on and had lost herself in the end to for a little bit, it had been his. Tamlin's agony as some Sin'dorie woman tortured and brutalized him. Tamlin's fear she had fought to choke down as they took pieces of him.

 The Golden Hall is silent save for the popping and crackling of the fire in the hearth. Aurry sits, staring at the fire, her eyes puffy from lack of sleep and likely crying. She sits perfectly still, the only movement coming from her breathing and the occasional blink of her weary eyes but her mind is a torrent of thoughts. She sighs, finally lowering her eyes from the dancing flames to look down at her hands. The glow there is evidently in the firelight and Aurry plays with it. Drawing in more power to brighten it, then releasing the magic into the air to soften it. It's as easy, as second nature as breathing is to her.

 She had lost her temper. It was a rare thing for her to do, but the discussion that had started in Tamlin's shelter and ended up in the Keep had fired it up to the point that Aurry had acted before she thought. She had simply wanted to prove her point, that she would only get a yes from another woman in the Sabre's because of her title, her station in their society and not because of herself.

She had been wrong.

 The area is secluded, quiet and peaceful with only the trees and nature to keep her company. Aurry is fine with this right now, she's looking for the peace, looking for the silence to try and calm nerves that seem to be constantly on edge. This place is special, a spot she had found and never shared with anyone save her mounts. It was her special place.

Here, for a little bit, she could stand in her own skin and be okay with it. She had come here so many times and had found that she never got disturbed by a soul. Sometimes it seemed as if Elune had carved this little lake out just for her and Aurry was thankful for it.

The cold barely bothered her as she sat, back against a tall tree to support her, eyes staring ahead but not seeing the snow. Aurry's mind was closed in on itself, the tears done for now, drying in the cold wind of the North. For the third time in two weeks, she was sitting in the snow, her soft heart breaking. She wondered vaguely how many times she could do this without getting sick.

Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here
That I don't understand

Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
I don't need them

I am as my Goddess made me.

As my training bids me.

Never alone but lonely among them.

I'll be their tool but I will not be an obligation.

I am as they would have me.

Elune guide my hands in my healing.

Light my path before me.

I am a Nightsabre

I am Chosen of Elune

I am Priestess Aurorana.

 The keep was quiet this time of night. Normally it meant that the people of her race, the Kal'dorei where likely out doing things like hunting or fighting or whatever else they wished to do. The humans where likely asleep or out, as where any of the other various people that wore the tabard of the Nightsabres.

Aurry wasn't any of those things. She wasn't sleeping, sleep had been hard to come by the last few days because her mind was too busy sorting things out. She was tired, beyond tired in fact, but it didn't stop her mind from revisiting actions and conversations.

One hand
Reaches out
And pulls a lost soul from harm
While a thousand more go unspoken for
They say what good have you done
By saving just this one
It's like whispering a prayer
In the fury of a storm

The child was small and from a distance it was impossible to tell if it was a boy or girl. One thing was certain, the long upright ears made the child a Sin'dorei. Dirty faced, in clothes that could only be considered rags, the child sat with it's back pushed against a building, skinned knees pulled tight to his or her chest. It made a pitiful picture.

Tamlin told me I shouldn't be around him anymore but he didn't really explain why. He went on about honor and him being less than me. Doesn't he know by now I don't look at things the way the others do? I didn't understand at all why he thought my honor would be sullied by staying around him until Glaneon explained it.

Does it really matter what people might think? They are wrong about it, so why worry? I guess I can understand why he's worried about the Warden thinking we are more then friends since he loves her so and wouldn't want her to think it. It's everyone else that shouldn't matter. I don't care what they think because he's my friend and that is more important to me. I sent the Warden a letter to tell her it's nothing more then friends.

“Why are you being punished Aurry?”

“Because I did it wrong.”

“You are a child, albeit one with powers beyond her years. I would see you leave the Order.”

“Why are you being punished Aurry?”

“I'm a child.”

The candle light flickers against the walls. How are they not burned out yet? She doesn't recall anyone walking in, but they must have to replace the candles and remove her waste. When was the last time she had eaten?

The first day wasn't so bad. Aurry had a hard time sitting though at first, something in her was wound up and demanded to be released. Pacing didn't get rid of that, so she tried the form the Warden had taught her. Although there wasn't a lot of room, she managed to do most of it and it seemed to help her calm down at least enough to sit still.

Her mind though refused to focus at first. It was too full of things that had happened recently to settle enough to let Aurry start on what had directly lead her to be in isolation. The conversations with various people about she had done wrong and their recommendations, hearing Navires say out loud the thing Aurry always feared was true, and more confusing, the gentleness she thinks she had seen for a brief moment in the Warden and then more so in Soto.

The Temple was quietly busy this time of night. Women that were still in training moving in groups to their next lesson, others helping people that came in with some injury. Aurry moves to the moonwell, starting her night in the Temple the same way she had ended it earlier, by kneeling and sending silent prayers to the Goddess.

Standing, she heads up the ramp to the upper levels, moving swiftly to stay and wait her turn to speak with the High Priestess. She has much to report this night. Dropping a quick curtsy, she tells first of their push in the Citadel, giving as much detail from her point of view that she can recall. Next is the conversation with Soto and the decision about her punishment for her disobedience with the Order. Softly exchanged words, and Aurry heads to her room, followed by two other Priestesses.

The first knock was soft, obviously made by someone that didn't really know the sleeping occupant on the other side of the door. The next round was louder, the third round finally got a fuzzy response that sounded vaguely like, “It's too early.”

“Priestess, you wished to be awoken at this time. Do you not remember?”

It was a simple glance and a newly remembered memory that lead Aurry to be sitting with an older Sentinel, her eyes lowered after having told her story.

“You have always lead with your heart, child. Even the time you tried to run away and I found you.” The woman sighs. “I would say the first thing you need to learn is how to listen.”

At Aurry's frown, the Sentinel raises a hand to stop the much younger woman from talking. “No, Aurorana, honestly listen. I have watched you long enough in your life to know you hear the bad first and then block out the good. Take your conversation with the Shan Navires. All you heard was the negative. You did not hear how she is impressed with your abilities at all.”

“He sent a letter two weeks before he did anything.”

Soto sits back again in her chair, pulling herself up more straightly and taking on a sterner expression. “I know he did but the problem is that before he even sent that letter.. he had his orders.”

“No.. I mean two months... he sent it two months before.” Aurry clarifies, not wanting to get Tamlin into any more trouble then he already is.

“Aurry, when you have a moment, I would like to speak with you.”

Aurry had known this would happen. It didn't take a genius to know that the tanking Priestess of the Nightsabres would want to lecture her as well. She had been dreading it, but she didn't want that to show.

Aurry nods and looks at Tamlin, whom she had been talking to when the dreaded pronouncement had been made. “I'll be back,” she promises and turns to go with Soto, even though the older women offers to let Aurry finish her business with Tamlin. Better to get the lecture over with. She follows Soto to the war room, noticing that the Priestess keeps herself slightly in front of Aurry. She gets what that means and doesn't mind it, she's always known her place.

Tamlin was resting peacefully, or at least as far as she could tell. The place she had cut him open looked like a red, angry scar but she would have to work on that later. She washes her hands of his blood and watches her hands shake in the water.

She feels ill, ready to lose what's left in her stomach, but some stubborn part of her refuses to let Navires see her do so. Aurry had already been scolded by the Shan and had lost her temper, yelling at Navires to get out. It was a hard pill to swallow that she was grateful Navires had been willing to come back in and help remove that .. thing.. from Tamlin.

I'm worried. Maybe I shouldn't be. It's very likely I'm just jumping ahead of myself again but then again, what if I'm not? What if this time I'm right and this time it matters?

It's not like he's mine to worry about, at least not in THAT way. But he is my friend, even if he doesn't like that word and even if maybe, just maybe I use it a bit more freely then I should. Just something feels off. Goodness knows it could just be me being lonely, doesn't take too long for me to get to that state again. I really do need to figure out how to be alone for longer then a couple days without getting all down and such. Thing is, if something is off and I don't do something about it, I'll regret it like mad.

Aurorana, Priestesses of Elune, Sentinel Captain of the Order of the Nightsabres stands with utter stillness as the High Priestesses takes in what Aurry has just told her and whispers quietly with her advisors nearby. Aurry wonders if they can hear her trembling in her heavy robes and cloak, though the Temple is warm as it ever is. She's shocked, somewhere in her mind that is swirling with so many other thoughts and emotions that her voice had come out steady even calm sounding as she had related everything.

“Thank you Aurorana. You may go for now.”

The smells in Darnassus are intoxicating. Rich scents of baking pies and roasting turkeys mixing with the constant aroma of grass, trees, and flowers. Tangy hints of cranberries floating on a breeze that hints of the ocean far below and earth all in one intake of air.

And the sounds..

Deep laughter of men and the higher tones of women. The clink of forks on plates a backdrop for voices with different accents that talk over and around each other. A whistle from a man admiring the way her hips naturally move when she walks. The tree song, the wind's answer and even her own beating heart.

The dream was different then her normal, though she had had this one another time. The forest she walked in was old and quiet and familiar. She couldn't place her finger on it, give a name to where she was, but she knew she had been there before and knew she loved this forest.

She walks slowly, feeling no rush, no fear of anything here. The sun is setting and it's rays through the trees makes for a lighting that warms her heart and makes the whole area have an enchanted feeling. The grass under her feet is soft and warm, the dress she wears simple; white with no adornments.

She smiles and looks down to the wildflowers, and sees her shadow there, but it's not alone. Another, larger than hers is next to it. To her delight, the shadows join hands and dance on the forest floor.